Colored Chalk: Issue Six – Waking Up Strange

Shit! As a word-smith I would normally attempt to describe my elation with greater pungency. But…shit! Co-editor, Richard Thomas, has taken this new issue of Colored Chalk, theme: Waking Up Strange, and exceeded all expectations. So…shit!

Not only has he designed a stunning issue, but he has also managed to corral stories by some of the best writers around. I won’t ask his secret, for fear of being an accomplice to something. Look at this list:
Joe Meno (whose collection “Demons in the Spring” is a finalist for the fifth annual Story Prize for outstanding short fiction), Joey Goebel (author of the fantastic “Torture the Artist” as well as last year’s “Commonwealth”), Rayo Casablanca, author of the forthcoming “Very Mercenary,” follow-up to last year’s “6 Sick Hipsters”), Alex Cassun, William T. Allen, Axel Taiari, Christopher Dwyer, Craig Wallwork, Nik Korpon, Joe Dornich, Jeff Macfee, Richard Martin, Edward J. Rathke, Chris Deal, Simon West-Bulford, and sadly, Caleb J. Ross.

As always, the issue can be viewed online and can also be printed and stapled for local or distant distribution, depending on your shipping budget.

Issue Six theme: Waking Up Strange:

IS IT A FELONY OR JUST A BAD DECISION?

There are a lot of different scenarios. Most of them involve a drink of some kind, and often an illicit substance or two. Or three. Quite possibly it could be a good idea gone bad. Horribly wrong. Then again, maybe it was that affair you’ve been waiting years to have, the right combination of music and eye contact. Hopefully it doesn’t involve losing a major organ.

It is disorientation, a familiar moment in a strange new setting. Groggy and tired, your vision is laced with gauze, your head packed thick with cotton.

Run, run as fast as you can, get out of here now. It isn’t safe. For the love of God RUN.

Wait. Stay. Her eyes are pleading, her mask, believable.

The writers in this issue of Colored Chalk all address this theme in one fashion or another. And whether they are literally waking, living their life as if in a dream, or rubbing their tired orbs in disbelief at what they see, all have one thing in common. The writing is strong, and the moment is alive on the page for you to embrace.

My story, “The E!Morphosis,” might require a bit of direction, so, an author’s statement:

Much less serious than most of my stuff. This “story” has a cautionary tale veneer, filled out by satirical stuffing. Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis” serves as the inspiration. The rest is just humor. Sad humor, as it usually is.

A helpful glossary. Come back to it once you read the story:
E! – Television channel dedicated to news of the entertainment industry. Celebrity gossip and top ten lists abound. (31.2 Million subscribers – source: fundinguniverse.com)

Samantha Gregory – Not a real person. Though how many references are? How many referents, for that matter?

Us Weekly – A tabloid gossip magazine. Often purchased by The Hills fans. (1.03 million subscribers as of June 2008 – source: ABC Publisher’s Statements June 2004–December 2008)

The Hills – A MTV scripted reality TV show in which producers attempt to portray rich people dealing with everyday rich problems. These problems include vacation dilemmas, and how best to juggle work, school, and partying. (4.8 million viewers for the Season 3 premier – source: etonline.com; 2.7 million viewers watch The NewsHour with Jim Lehrer on PBS – source: weta.org)

Axe – Aerosol body spray intended to unite date rapists with date rapees. Scents include Enygmata, Phoenix, and X-Treme High Five. ($71 million in annual sales – source: allbusiness.com)

Axe-wraith – Alternate moniker for the above-mentioned date rapist

Cosmo – Abbreviation for Cosmopolitan. A cocktail made popular by a television show called Sex in the City.

Who looks better in the $5,000 dress? – A reference to a fashion column popular in tabloid magazines such as Us Weekly in which two celebrities caught wearing similar outfits are judged harshly in order to determine the next social pariah. Similar in concept to Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery,” but with more devastating consequences.

PerezHilton.com – A website dedicated to celebrity worship and crucifixion. (3.2 million page views per day; MSNBC.com gets 65 thousand page views per day – source: statbrain.com)

Ashton Kutcher – Ashton Kutcher, movie star and creator of a hidden camera show called Punk’d in which celebrities are the subject of practical jokes.

To all you writers out there check out the Colored Chalk homepage for guidelines and information on the issue 7 theme: Maguffins for Hire.