The Official Caleb J Ross Homepage

Jim Gaffigan is right (and is the source of this post’s title). We admire beauty above most else in this country (this world?), despite all that’s been taught by teachers (probably ugly teachers) and parents. Beauty shouldn’t be all that matters. As ethical beings, we should be able to look beyond physical appeal when evaluating our various options.

But the one outlet that has for so long stood strong against the ravages of superficiality has come under attack as of late. Ugly people, you are no longer royalty in the world of novels. Katie Price, Courtney Thorne Smith, Lauren Conrad, Meg Tilly, Pamela Anderson, the list goes on. It’s only a matter of time before “chapters” will become a breast synonym and asking someone if they’ve read any good books lately will initiate locker-room tales of “creasing her spine until even used bookstores wouldn’t take her.”

Bookselling is a business. Attractive people sell things. We understand that. But when the product being sold is cerebral, why does a beautiful spokesperson (which I argue is essentially what many of these celebrity novelists are; those with ghostwriters) even matter? Are cover bylines and dust-jacket photos really that sexy? Or are most of these “fair weather” readers simply retarded?

The latter. Definitely. That’s not the question, here. The real question is whether or not it’s still feasible for authors to make a good living by writing intellectually stimulating literature without having the commercial backing of a celebrity or the commercial appeal of being a celebrity themselves. My hope, of course, is that if a book is artistically brilliant, it doesn’t need to be commercially brilliant; brilliant should sell intrinsically. But with that logic, I’m probably the retarded one.

So what is this ugly author going to do? Become an accomplice. I’ve got a few completely finished novel manuscripts, ready to have a celebrity author name slapped across the cover and printed for much monetary gain. I’m serious. Contact me.

March 8th, 2010 | Category: General News | Comments (1)

@ Blinding Loud, Sean P. Ferguson gives some great words about Charactered Pieces:

The stories don’t change you because they cause you to rethink how you’re living in some great respect. You’re not forced on with issues that want you to decide whether or not to have an abortion, or pick a side when it comes to same sex marriage. They don’t beat down your door demanding that you give all of your belongings to charity. You’re presented with life and the ability to deal with what you’re dealt. Now put down what you’re doing, read, and start to live. Really live. Because if these people can, so can you, we all have Charactered Pieces in us.

@ kenwohlrob.com, site namesake and author, Ken Wohlrob, says some very flattering things about Charactered Pieces:

The prose is punchy and has a great rhythm to it, especially when the stories are told in first person. Ross nails his character’s voices, so you can feel yourself sitting in a bar and hearing the grim tales first hand. “Charactered Pieces,” “The Camp,” and “An Optimist is the Human Personification of Spring” — the best of the stories where you can’t help being drawn into the lives of the narrators — are worth the cover price alone.

@ Trick with a Knife, I’m contributing sporadic rants, opinions, essays, whatever strikes me (in accordance to their mission, of course:)

Trick with a Knife is the internet destination for commentary, opinion, and tidbits related to the artistic and literary scenes. Our contributors are writers and artists who are passionate about words and images and sounds.

@ RedRoom, Vicki Nikolaidis writes some great words about Charactered Pieces. She even comments on the cover art. Me, as just an armchair artist at best, takes this compliment especially well:

His phenomenal artwork graces the cover, but don’t look too hard, the drawing will make sense later…before you understand what is happening it is your world and you will be sharing a space in your brain with Charactered Pieces several weeks after you thought you had finished the stories.

March 4th, 2010 | Category: General News | Leave a comment

Right away, let me say that this interview is fake. For the real, and much more interesting interview between Tim Hall and Scott McClanahan, click here. Why fake an interview with Tim Hall? I’m procrastinating work on my current novel.

Tim Hall (TH): Your book is built around my two favorite themes of creative writing: autobiographical fiction mixed with a geographical/sociological postcard of a place. It’s like a portrait of the artist in the “staycation” from hell. What made you decide to “go Winesburg” and create the semi-fictional town of Rainelle, WV to tell your stories?

Caleb J Ross (CJR): Did you even read my book? What they hell is a Rainelle? Is that some kind of gazelle? It should be. Maybe I’ll write a story about that.  Then I’ll put that story in a collection that is both autobiographic and postcard-like so it fits your summation of my book.

TH: Long Island, where I grew up, certainly has a lot of the same types of people and problems that you describe in Stories; it’s almost a spectacularly evil place, filled with horrible people who have been driven insane essentially by traffic jams and a culture of pure consumption. You write about some pretty intense, damaged, but very recognizable and human types in your book: what would you say drives the extremes of their behaviors? Do you see Rainelle’s problems with drugs and teen pregnancy, for example, as something unique to to the local economy or demographics, or [due to] more universal American qualities?

CJR: So, first you call my stuff autobiographical and they you say the book is full of horrible people? Your are some piece of work, my friend. I’ll have you know that my life is full of kind, gentle people who are only occasionally horrible. Except my Uncle Ned. He’s horrible all the time. He’s drunk all the time. Meaning, all drunk people are horrible. I’m gonna get a beer.

TH: A lot of the people who move to the big cities are those who came from towns or families where being an artist, or gay, or just different could get them beaten or worse. So it’s certainly understandable and even necessary for them to go someplace where they find like souls and feel secure to be themselves. Have you thought about leaving West Virginia and relocating someplace else, like L.A. or NY or S.F.?

CJR:I thought about leaving West Virginia once. It was two minutes after I got there. Take that state I’ve never actually been to (but would love to; call me West Virgina (smiley-emoticon)!

TH: Thanks for your time, Scott. Last question(s): What are you working on now? Also, anything else you’d like to say about your book before we sign off?

CJR:I’m working on two things. One, changing my name to Scott to help continuity here, and two, a novel that should have my attention, instead of this stupid stolen interview.

For more information on Scott McClanahan please visit his website and for more from Tim hall please check out his blog.

March 2nd, 2010 | Category: Other Writers | Leave a comment

…but they don’t say what should be read.

February 28th, 2010 | Category: General News | Comments (1)

As I mentioned in a previous post, I’ll be one of a great group of writers to read at Leela European Café on April 9^th in Denver. I’ve done a few readings in the past, despite the live aspect being something writers don’t often get to experience. I’ve been lucky, I guess.

I am perhaps more excited to see and meet these people more than I am to actually read some of my own work. That’s natural. I’m humble by nature. Humble and handsome.

The unwritten rule is that writers should read from something either freshly published or contracted for publication. For me, that would be my story collection, Charactered Pieces. But another, perhaps not entirely unwritten rule, is that when crowds and drinks are involved, the best type of material to read is work both funny and short. Charactered Pieces, though it contains elements of each, doesn’t contain any stories that would fit both of those qualifications equally enough to warrant the rapt attention of the audience (which I expect to be huge! You hear me! Be there or be dead!). The bar is high, as I’ve been to both Chuck Palahniuk readings (refreshingly interactive meets his morbid material makes for strange group of lit lovers, videos here, and don’t forget all the people who fainted during his Guts tour) and Dorothy Allison readings (the last, her 2009 AWP appearance which was followed by the only performance worthy of her opening, a performance from Mucca Pazza (this review calls them a ragtag band…they simply don’t know the wonder that is Mucca Pazza).

So, I’ve decided to write two entirely new pieces for the event. One involves my plea for corporate sponsorship. The other involves my plea for free beer. It’s a bit scary to debut something in front of a crowd of strangers, but I guess that’s better than waiting until a piece is printed before finding out it sucks.

What sort of material do you (or would you, if you’ve never been to a live reading) want to hear?

February 26th, 2010 | Category: Events, Other Writers | Comments (4)

I probably don’t do enough promoting other writers here. I don’t know why. Perhaps I fear that any writers I mention will feel obligated to reciprocate kind words, while not necessarily having justification for such. So, for all the writers I mention here, you are free to slander my name without fear of any hostilities on my part.

Richard Thomas, throbbing heart heart throb and master of duct tape

Though too early really to benefit my good man Richard Thomas as far as direct sales go, it’s never too early to push a friend’s work. In June, Richard’s novel, Transubstantiate, will be the debut novel from Otherworld Publications. They’ve got a good seed with this one; I’ve had the pleasure of reading an early version of the novel.

From the official press release:

About Transubstantiate:

“They say Jimmy made it out.  But the postcards we get, well, they don’t seem…real.”

When an experiment with population control works too well, and the planet is decimated, seven broken people are united by a supernatural bond in a modern day Eden.  Most on the island are fully aware of this prison disguised as an oasis.  Unfortunately, Jimmy is on the mainland, desperate to get back, in a post-apocalyptic stand-off, fighting for his survival and that of his unborn child.  Back on the island, Jacob stares at the ocean through his telescope and plots his escape, reluctant to aid the cause.  Marcy tries to hide from her past, sexual escapades that may be her saving grace.  X sits in his compound, a quiet, massive presence, trapped in his body by ancient whispers and yet free in spirit to visit other places and times.  Roland, the angry, bitter son of Marcy is determined to leave, and sets out on his own.  Watching over it all is Assigned, the ghost in the machine.  And coming for them, to exact revenge, and finish the job that the virus started, is Gordon.  He just landed on the island and he has help.

Transubstantiate is a neo-noir thriller, filled with uncertainty at every portal, and jungles infiltrated with The Darkness. Vivid settings, lyrical language, and a slow reveal of plot, motivation, past crimes and future hope collide in a showdown that keeps you guessing until the final haunting words.

Transubstantiate: to change from one substance into another.

Nik Korpon, life wrangler and cunning existentialist

And with the same press will come Nik Korpon’s novel, Stay God, which I’ve also had the extreme pleasure of reading. Korpon’s got a literary voice that can’t be ignored (unless you can’t read; in which case, ignore away).

From the official press release:

About Stay God:

Damon lives a content life, playing video games and dealing drugs from his second-hand store while his girlfriend, Mary, drops constant hints about marriage. If only he could tell her his name isn’t really Damon. If only he could tell her who he really is. But after he witnesses a friend’s murder, a scarlet woman glides into his life, offering the solution to all of his problems. His carefully constructed existence soon shatters like crystal teardrops and he must determine which ghosts won’t stay buried—and which ones are trying to kill him—if he wants to learn why Mary has disappeared.

Both authors will be reading at the OW Press The Velvet reading in April, too. So, if you are in Denver, show up and throw stuff at them.

February 25th, 2010 | Tags: debut novel, LOST, Otherworld Publications, Pawn Shop, The Velvet | Category: Other Writers | Comments (1)